


Holy shit full size snickers

by noseandfeetarerunning



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Halloween, M/M, Memes, TOPFL Halloween Challenge, Thats a weird tag - Freeform, Trick or Treating, Wrongly accused sexual offender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 08:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12577296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noseandfeetarerunning/pseuds/noseandfeetarerunning
Summary: The Dun kids trick or treat at the neighbourhood sex offender's place for peanut butter cups, only for Josh to discover that the meme-loving man is anything but a pedophile.





	Holy shit full size snickers

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about all my other abandoned fics, they'll be coming back in December! If anyone cares hahaha.

"Josh, hunny, make sure you don't bring them to that sex offender's house, ok hun?" Josh rolls his eyes. Everyone is a sex offender these days.

"Mum, you think half the block are sex offenders." He shouts into the hallway where she's looking for their old polaroid.

"Better safe than sorry, hun." Josh sighs, grabbing his scythe from the couch, it was made of cardboard and a broom stick. His mother refused to buy him anything they could make at home.

He glances over to the other patron on the couch. Abigail eyes him blankly before pulling her Elsa dress over her head, revealing her pink underwear and outie.

"Abs, that's super uncool, man. Put it back down." She pouts and lowers her skirt. Kids are weird.

"Good girl. Go put your shoes on, yeah?" She hops off the couch and shuffles over to the shoes Josh had picked out for her.

He contemplates putting on a pair of sweats, the cloak of his 5 year old grim reaper outfit barely reached mid calf and his hairy legs were a bit unsightly.

He hears a snort from over his shoulder.

"Nice legs." Jordan teases and Josh scowls at how convincing a Dracula he looked, midnight black with a velvety red inside, there's no denying it was store bought. And mom says Jordan isn't her favourite child.

He rubs his legs, insecure, but decides he's too lazy to trek back to his room to cover up the hairy beasts. It's not like he's meeting anyone his age.

Josh glances over at his youngest sister, the feeling of resignation already settling in his bones, they haven't even left the house yet.

"Abs, your shoes go _over_  your socks not the other way around." He pulls the mess of pink velcro and cotton off her foot, slipping them on for her.

"You're almost three, Abs. You gotta learn how to put your shoes on." He sighs, every  _single_ year he's stuck with this. She sings frozen songs under her breath, probably feeling like a princess with Josh as her butler.

He's getting frustrated and sugar deprived, stuggling with a loose thread. "Ash, we're leaving without you!" He rips it off.

"Jeez I'm right behind you." He turns around, faced with the sight of his other sister, the uncute one, dressed as Wonder Woman. Arms and thighs bare.

"Grab a coat. Please?" She crosses her arms and stares back at him defiantly.

He smiles and claps his hands, pulling the plastic mask over his face.

"Ok! Whatever. Freeze to death for all I care. Let's just get out of here before mom takes photos for another hour."

* * *

 

"I'm cold."

"Well, you should've taken that fucking coat." Josh eyes his waddling youngest sister, relieved she hadn't caught onto his bad language. She was gnawing on a still wrapped lollipop.

They were  _two_ houses in.

Ashley rolls her eyes and drapes her almost empty pillowcase over her shoulders.

"You're such an ass."

Josh huffs, "Jordan, give her your cape."

"No way! Why don't  _you_ give her your cape." Jordan retorts, checking his hair in the reflection of his phone.

"Firstly, it's a cloak." He squints at Jordan, who rolls his eyes.

"And I'm naked under this. Do you  _really_ want that?" Abigail giggles at the word naked.

"Fair point." Jordan sighs and unclips the cape from his shoulders, flippantly tossing it to their sister.

"Ew this stinks." Josh rolls his eyes and ignores the two as they start bickering.

"You're my favourite sibling. You know that right?" He swings the arm connected to Abigail's and she looks up at him, giving him a sweet smile. What a cutie pie.

"JD!" Someone shouts from behind them.

"Yeah?" He says at the same time as Jordan. Josh blushes lightly under his mask when he realises they were calling his 13 year old brother.

"Yo man, you won't believe what I got." The zombie says. " _Reese's motherfuckin' peanut butter cups."_

Jordan's eyes light up. "No shit. Where?"

"72. The sex offender's place."

Jordan immediately looks over to Josh with pleading eyes.

"Don't give me that look, man. He literally called the guy a sex offender." Josh was mildly uncomfortable at how far his brother was willing to go for candy.

"But peanut butter cups." He says, like it's a perfectly sound argument.

"2 of them, man." The zombie pipes up.

"Reese's." Ashley states. _Not her too_. "Candy gold."

"Peanut?" Abigail asks and-

"Chirst! Fine. If you get molested that's on you guys ok?" The four of them let out a cheer, Abigail just following the others. Of course Josh was wary, but how much could the guy do when he was around? Besides, zombie kid seemed untouched.

"We'll stop along the way."

* * *

 

Somehow, zombie kid had stuck with the Dun kids with the excuse of extra candy and keeping Jordan company, but the looks he shot Ashley were enough to keep Josh skeptical.

Abigail had gotten tired along the way and Josh was forced to carry the younger girl and all her candy, which was, quite unfairly, twice the amount he got.

He begins to regret not putting on that pair of sweats as the night grows colder. He tugs the hood over his head when they reach the sex offender's house. He's never seen the actual property before, and is surprised that pedophiles keep their lawn neat. _Gotta blend in somehow._

There's a single tombstone, probably one of his victims, on the lawn and a cobweb hanging off the tree. Josh has second thoughts but Jordan has already knocked the door, and as much as he hates the lil' fucker, Josh doesn't want him to be scarred for life.

The door creaks open, and damn, Josh hasn't ever met a sex offender, but he always thought they'd be twice his age and not, well,  _hot._

The man looked about his age, a five a clock shadow dusting his chin. He had a pair of fake reading glasses perched upon the slope of his nose, a ridculous salt and pepper wig on and a pink night gown topped with an apron. Ashley was, quite blatantly, oggling him.

"Trick or treat." Jordan calls out boredly. Without his cape, he looked more like a magician than anything.

"Hi y'all." The man smiles warmly at the kids, eyes trailing along the older kids before finally landing on Josh.

"Look at this cutiepie." Josh's breath hitches, no one's ever called him a cutiepi- oh. Abigail. Josh clears his throat.

The man playfully sticks his tongue out at his sister, inciting a round of giggles from her. He reaches over and-

Josh jerks away from him, his older brother instincts acting up. The dude looks mildly concerned, and Abigail has tears lining her eyes from his sudden aggression.

He bounces her up and down to console her but her lip starts quivering and- Ah  _fuck_ why does he always fuck up?

"Hey princess." The grandma(n) hands her a pink wand with m&m looking chocolates inside its handle. Josh isn't a candy expert ok? Cut him some slack.

She reaches out to grab it hesitantly, sniffles dying out. She smiles at the grandma man who pats her head affectionately.

"Now for all you older kids…" he grabs a white bowl by the door, filled to the brim with peanut butter cups and hands two to each of them, but stops at Josh.

"I've got something different for you Mr. Reaper." He disappears from view. Josh quirks an eyebrow under his mask, tightening his grip on Abigail.

When he returns, he learns of another characteristic pedophiles have. They are, apparently, extremely well versed in memes.

Josh feels a smile tugging at his lips and a chuckle spills out of his mouth. He plays along.

"I'm not wearing a costume. I'm here to take your sou-" he accepts the candy bar.

"Holy shit full size snickers." The grandma's eyes light up in excitement.

"Nevermind Margaret we're good." And that's another thing he's learnt, pedos have such  _beautiful_  laughs.

The man tries to peer through his mask a crooked smile growing across his face, "I've been waiting all night for a Grim Reaper, but literally nobody came. Well, except Dustin." He nods towards Zombie Kid.

"It's cause you're a pedo." Jordan states nonchalantly, already unravelling his second peanut butter cup. When the man's face drops, Josh is so close to bashing his brother's head in.

"What."

"You're a pedo."

The man looks at Josh, shooting him a questioning glance. "Is that why no one's come around?". Josh opens his mouth to deny but he's speachless. Margaret shakes his head in disbelief ripping his apron off and tossing it away.

"I thought this neighbourhood would be better, with all these young families. Turns out you're all just a bunch of paranoid elitist pricks." He slams the door in their faces and Josh feels guilt straight down to his core.

"Let's go. What a dick. Can't believe I thought a pedo was hot." Ashley scoffs, stalking off with the other two in tow. He would have agreed had he missed the tears threatening to leave the man's wide brown eyes, but he hadn't. Abigail glances at Josh curiously, gauging his next move.

He bites his lip, an apology on the tip of his tongue. For some reason, Josh believes that Margaret was wrongly accused and regrets every time the word pedo crossed his mind.

Josh, of all people knew the harm of false accusations. When his family had just moved in to the mostly white neighbourhood, his punk appearence and coloured hair was enough to be labelled a "homosexual" amongst the neighbours, which was true, but still.

He goes to knock the door but realises that his siblings were long gone. He curses under his breath, leaving one last look at the door and heading off, with the mental promise of fixing everything tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't do what Josh just did. Some sex offenders are actually sex offenders. Take care of your kids, folks.


End file.
